Emily In Paris is a new Comedy-Drama series from Netflix that has all the makings of a hit. With Darren Star of Sex and The City producing, Patricia Field designing the costumes, and a bloated Netflix budget, the show is destined to be the source of fanfare and ire alike. Lily Collins is the titular star, a vapid American twentysomething who moves to Paris to be a social media strategist at a French luxury marketing firm. Emily has the trappings of a ditzy American basic bitch: a sense of entitlement towards a cookie-cutter Parisian experience, an utter lack of knowledge of the French language itself, and a penchant for thinking that speaking louder will bridge that language gap. Emily In Paris purports to be a quarantine saving grace, and due to being trapped in our homes with very few shows in production, The Spynster’s have been asked to watch the pilot. Feel free to watch along with our live journal commentary.
Predictions before watching:
Kyra: I have been a Sex and the City fan for most of my life. I’ve never seen Darren Star’s other show, Younger, but it stars Hilary Duff so I have faith in it. My friends have told me that this show is “kinda stupid but like, you also love it.” Sounds like my wheelhouse. Here are my predictions:
Do you think there’s a scene where Emily dons a nun’s habit and runs around screaming “I’M MISS CLAVEL?”
Will watching this be the final push for me to finally try a beret?
I wonder how many Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge references will be made.
How old is this girl supposed to be and will she make me feel inadequate?
Is there a little rat under her hat, pulling her hair, controlling her every move?
My final thought? I’m very scared I’m going to hate myself for actually enjoying this show.
Jayne: I know very little about Emily In Paris other than the spoof content that the show has launched, namely the instagram @emilyinparasite in which Emily is photoshopped into scenes of Bong Joon-ho’s Oscar-winning film. That account is a gift. I am worried that this show will be so saccharine and easily consumed that I will allow my feelings of nostalgia from study abroad to be imprinted on the show, and I will subsequently love it. That, or I will feel betrayed that Emily is in Paris and I am not. Leaning towards the latter. Final prediction is that Emily will use a hard r to say bonjour, and it will be upsetting.
Ok, here we go.
We look out on Chicago. A woman in the distance is wearing a bright yellow plaid puffer coat.
Jayne
Already happy that it's 30 minutes long
Jayne
Why is she running in this coat
Kyra Lesser
is that her in the yellow plaid
Jayne
yes
Kyra Lesser
does one run in a puffer???
Jayne
NO
Jayne
ONE DOES NOT RUN IN A PUFFER
Jayne
FASHION GIRLS SHOULD KNOW THIS
Emily’s phone alerts her that she has finished running 5.3 miles. She has nary a bead of sweat on her brow.
Jayne
Bullshit
Jayne
she doesn't look like that after 5 miles
Kyra Lesser
who is she talking to
Jayne
her phone
Kyra Lesser
is this actually just one big spoof of Her?
Cut to Emily walking down a hallway with her boss.
Jayne
ADDISON MONTGOMERY
Jayne
Savoir. I heard a hard r
Jayne
already nervous for Paris
Kyra Lesser
why does addison montgomery have a giant bowl of oversized breadsticks on her desk
Jayne
wait
Jayne
i didn't see that
Jayne
oh yeah those are breadsticks
Emily’s boss mentions France’s “hot president who married his schoolteacher”
Jayne
This is a pro Macron program?
Jayne
oh dear
Emily mentions how her last project was for an IBS medication “through meditation”...?
Kyra Lesser
does she mean ibs like poop issues that i have
Kyra Lesser
is emily just trying to help me
Jayne
i think so
Emily’s boss sprays a bottle of perfume and Emily takes a whiff.
Kyra Lesser
emily would have spent all her time in Gilman i already know it *note - this is a reference to a building at Johns Hopkins University where many of the try-hard hipster humanities students studied.
Jayne
Oh yes
Jayne
in a beret
Kyra Lesser
she would fuck the coffee dude at alkimia *note - this is a pretentious coffee shop in Gilman
Kyra Lesser
i think this is just [redacted]’s biopic?
Emily’s boss starts gagging from the smell of perfume.
Kyra Lesser
its POISON
Kyra Lesser
shes pregnant
Kyra Lesser
i bet
Cut to Emily meeting her boyfriend at a sports bar.
Kyra Lesser
omg socializing do you remember that
Jayne
She doesn't know sports
Kyra Lesser
CALLED IT *note - it’s revealed Emily’s boss is indeed pregnant.
Kyra Lesser
can you even have white wine in a bar
Kyra Lesser
if i had a coat like that i would be terrified to wear it in a sports bar
Jayne
Same
Jayne
The bf is milquetoast
Kyra Lesser
why do i feel like i made out with her boyfriend in the phi psi basement
Emily tells her boyfriend that she is moving to Paris for a year. When asked about her (lack of) knowledge of the language, she gives him a little piece of advice.
Jayne
“Fake it till you make it”
Jayne
No
Kyra Lesser
I SCREAMED
Jayne
I did an immersion program goddammit
Kyra Lesser
ok to be fair...she looks kinda french
We plunge into whatever river is in the middle of Chicago and pop out into the Seine? *note - it is the Chicago River. Whoop de doo.
Jayne
what was that water transition????
Kyra Lesser
felt very spongebob
Kyra Lesser
omg shes a naval spy
Kyra Lesser
she took a submarine
Jayne
SUBMARINE
Emily gets out of her cab and makes her way into her lil Parisian apartment.
Jayne
She wears the least french thing possible
Jayne
AN MCM BACKPACK
Jayne
NO
Kyra Lesser
ok - odds on how her apartment will stack up to Villanelle's *note - Villanelle is on the show Killing Eve
Jayne
Villanelle's I'm betting is better
Emily enters her apartment.
Kyra Lesser
why is her apartment half furnished
Jayne
Villanelle wins
Jayne
WOW
Jayne
YOU CALLED IT
Kyra Lesser
It's been less than seven minutes and she made a Moulin Rouge reference
Jayne
it's been less than 7 minutes and a man is trying to fuck her
Kyra Lesser
that man is french james marsden
Jayne
yes he is
Emily whips out her phone and checks her Instagram.
Jayne and Kyra in unison
48 FOLLOWERS!?!? kslajfskjflksdjflskkf
Emily starts her first day of work and meets her new coworkers.
Jayne
HARD R WITH BONJOUR
Jayne
CALLED IT
Kyra Lesser
YA DID
Jayne
NO SHE IS GOING TO GOOGLE TRANSLATE
Emily meets her first coworker.
Jayne
He just said the outfit is bad with his eyes
Jayne
Hard R again
Emily, mid-convo with her new bosses, says how she is a social media strategist.
Kyra Lesser
PAUSE
Kyra Lesser
THIS BITCH KNOWS ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGIES
Kyra Lesser
WITH 48 FOLLOWERS
Emily talks to all of her coworkers at a roundtable.
Jayne
Yeah she knows nothing
Jayne
isn't even charming
Jayne
WHAT
Jayne
“Rosetta stone on the plane”
Kyra Lesser
She said first like, FirST
Jayne
CaN yoU HeAr mE
Jayne
this is what white girls will aspire to be after this pandemic
Kyra Lesser
why is she yelling?????
Kyra Lesser
omg is that thom yorke
Kyra Lesser
that man looks like thom yorke mixed with gene wilder *note - this is in reference to Emily’s coworker Luke.
Jayne
correct
Jayne
“the french are masters of social media”
Jayne
since when?
The Spynsters try to understand the French pronunciation of Paul.
Kyra Lesser
POOL
Kyra Lesser
POLL*?
Emily facetimes her boyfriend. He shows her his brand new passport.
Kyra Lesser
that’s the first ratatouille reference i've ever heard that made me upset
Jayne
He didn't have a passport
Jayne
This is Ben Affleck lite
Kyra Lesser
IM CRACKING UP
Kyra Lesser
WHY DIDN'T HE HAVE A PASSPORT???
Emily returns home, and after entering the wrong apartment, meets her hot neighbor from Normandy.
Jayne
Saving Private Ryan, a reference I didn’t expect from Miss Emily
Jayne
Maam you haven't watched
Jayne
MAYOR CI
Kyra Lesser
BONE ZWA
Jayne
At least that one wasn't a hard r
Emily orders a chocolate croissant.
Jayne
HARD T
Jayne
did she just discover chocolate and butter *note - Emily makes an Instagram with the caption butter+chocolate=hearts
Emily opens up her laptop.
Kyra Lesser
pause
Jayne
is she writing in notes
Jayne
that is chaotic
Kyra Lesser
lets rewind and look at those notes on her comp
Jayne
please
Kyra Lesser
jumped to 17:27
Kyra Lesser
“Paris good plans”
Jayne
“GG commandments”
Kyra Lesser
why are all of these written within minutes of each other
Jayne
has she never had a thought before this moment?
Jayne
my notes app goes back to 2015!!!
Kyra Lesser
why does she have a separate note for “french words” and “bonjour, comment-allez vous”
Kyra Lesser
those are french words
Emily’s boss says her lunch will be a cigarette.
Jayne
WHAT
Kyra Lesser
PROBLEMATIC
Jayne
YES
Kyra Lesser
CIGARETTES ARE NOT FOOD
Jayne
HATE THAT
Luke says he cannot join Emily for lunch because of digestive issues.
Kyra Lesser
well she knows an ibs pill for that bad stomach thom yorke
Cut to Emily by herself in a park. A woman approaches her and begins talking to her. This woman is a nanny, and immediately inquires about Emily’s social situation.
Kyra Lesser
“do you have FRIENDS?”
Jayne
“Are you lonely???”
Jayne
that is not how making friends as an adult works
Jayne
NO *note - Emily takes a photo of the children the woman nannies for.
Kyra Lesser
you can't take pics of random peoples kids???
Emily sits at a cafe and checks her phone. Her coworker Luke joins her and the two begin to have a conversation about the differences between Americans and the French.
Jayne
wait how did she jump to 200 followers?
Jayne
THIS VAPE*note - Luke pulls out his vape.
Kyra Lesser
do you think thats a tobacco vape or weed
Jayne
tobacco
Kyra Lesser
i bet its dmt
Kyra Lesser
this guy wild
Jayne
"it's a balance"
Jayne
"we work to live"
Jayne
snooze
Jayne
230!!!! *note - Emily’s follower count SURGES.
Kyra Lesser
30 followers in literally five minutes???
Emily’s boyfriend FaceTimes her, forgetting the time difference.
Jayne
Doug can't do math
Jayne
Ben Affleck Lite
Jayne
WAIT WHAT
Jayne
CYBERSEX
Jayne
I am cringing
Jayne
it's gonna cut out
Kyra Lesser
he got jizz on his phone
Jayne
Oh for sure
Kyra Lesser
why is her headboard like a tropical hut
Emily’s vibrator short circuits her entire apartment building.
Jayne
OH NO
Kyra Lesser
wait was her vibrator plugged into the wall??
Kyra Lesser
how does she get those angles??
Final thoughts.
Jayne
wow so Americans are arrogant and destroy buildings with vibrators
Kyra Lesser
left
Feelings Post-Watch:
Kyra: This is one of those shows that makes me wonder if Netflix just literally approves any pitch that comes through their door (BoJack Horseman has a wonderful joke about this). Yes, I want Emily’s closet. Yes, Lily Collins has nice teeth. And yes, the yearning, scenic shots of Paris remind me of when Lizzie see’s Rome for the first time in The Lizzie Maguire Movie. However, the dialogue feels like it was written by an Odyssey columnist, and Emily is quite possibly one of the most annoying characters I have ever seen in anything ever. Her nauseating optimism and naivete make me want to slap her. The fact that she just waltzes into Paris and expects everyone to A. understand her and B. want to be her friend is honestly alarming. As much as I’d like to think that the writers and producers are in on the joke of Emily, the lack of clarity as to whether this is satire or serious gives hope to Basics everywhere, making Emily’s behavior seem both charming and acceptable. This is not a character I am rooting for. This is a character I want to see get stabbed in the eye with a baguette. Bone Zwa, Emily In Paris.
Jayne: As much fun as I had hate-watching, Emily in Paris peddles in basic-ness and hopes that the viewer is completely ignorant of well-known French culture. On a macro level, the view of French-American relations is incredibly narrow. I am surprised that Macron was referenced, yet there was nary a word about Trump nor the further tarnished reputations Americans now have abroad. I understand this show is meant to be an escape, but if you want to pop the bubble of illusion, go all the way. Further, Emily’s ignorance is misinterpreted for cutesiness since she is a conventionally-attractive, able-bodied white woman, which thus validates and is indicative of American entitlement. I am genuinely concerned about the mass exodus of white girls that will throw on a beret and fly to Paris, COVID-vaccine needle still in their arms.
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