The past four Wednesdays in January gave us an insurrection, an impeachment, a presidential inauguration, and a populist uprising started by a group of Reddit Bros that demanded more than 25 cents on their used versions of Cooking Mama. And now, Lil Miss Hollywood Foreign Press Association just had to make her presence known by dropping this bomb. But this is a strange package of sorts - like a piñata filled with both king-size Reese’s Cups and week-old spaghetti. Read on for our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and hunger pangs.
Our Picks:
Carey Mulligan for Best Actress in Promising Young Woman: If you look up underrated in the dictionary, it’s a picture of this consistently brilliant British woman. It’s great watching her play a modern woman and not an archaeologist in the 1940s or whatever Period Piece Purgatory she’s been trapped in since An Education.
Anya Taylor-Joy in Emma or The Queen’s Gambit: Get caught up to speed PRONTO on this beautiful wide-eyed woman who embodies a sexy bunny rabbit. She’s taking over the industry.
Jason Sudeikis in Ted Lasso: The man’s wife is currently boning Harry Styles. HE NEEDS THIS.
Normal People: I (Kyra) couldn't bring myself to watch this show because I didn’t want to feel all sexy and stuff while living in my childhood bedroom.
Donald Sutherland in The Undoing: The “Cocksucker” speech belongs in the National Archives. We personally believe this nomination is for the eyebrows and the eyebrows alone.
Palm Springs: My dad (Kyra) keeps telling every person he interacts with to watch this film, and you know what, my dad is a SMART man. The delicious and goofy chemistry between Cristin Milioti and Andy Samberg kind of made me secretly wish that they could be stuck in a time loop forever in real life.
Nomadland: We would watch Frances McDormand watch an egg fry, so the idea of her driving cross country with short hair is truly exciting.
Olivia Colman in The Father: We did not see this movie nor do we plan on it; however, we DO really love anytime Olivia Colman is forced to make an acceptance speech.
Snubs:
I May Destroy You: Michaela Coel has been a force ever since we first spotted her in Chewing Gum. This show is a beautiful, heartbreaking portrait of millennial life that thank goodness does not involve Lena Dunham.
What We Do in the Shadows: A coven of vampires are tasked with taking over America from their mansion in Staten Island. British import and international treasure Matt Berry is a vampire named Lazlo that has a topiary vulva garden. Need we say more.
Bojack Horseman: It was the last season like damn, c’mon.
Sound of Metal: Ok fine Miss HFPA you nominated Riz, here’s your cookie, but also this movie as a whole is a gem and a half. It’s a Cassavetes-like, deep-character dive that’s reminiscent of the 70s auteur film (I put my film student cap on TODAY sis).
Cheer, The Last Dance, and any other shows we sad-binged in our beds over quarantine: If Emily in Paris can be nominated, so can Tiger King. That the HFPA has yet to create a docuseries category is a travesty.
The editors of The Real Housewives of Potomac: We said what we said.
“Stars Are Blind” for Best Song OR Best Original Score in Promising Young Woman: Post-quarantine, we want to duet with a man who pops small bags of chips in a pharmacy aisle for emphasis.
Surprises:
Maria Bakalova in Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Didn’t need to see her fake pubic hair or period blood, but anyone who can keep up with Sacha Baron Cohen gets our vote.
Nicole Kidman in The Undoing: We didn’t know you could get nominated for wiggling your eyeballs with absolutely no forehead movement, but Kidman could pioneer this technique. Stella Adler is quaking.
Kate Hudson: Kate Hudson was in a movie in the lord’s year of 2020? We thought Raising Helen was her victory lap.
I’m Vomiting:
Anything involving The Prom: It takes A LOT for us to slander Meryl’s name, but we could not bring ourselves to watch this film. Side note: it is law that James Corden is a curse to any film production.
Emily in Paris: Described as “distraction TV,” how a show that was made to be consumed as background noise to doom-scrolling got a nod is beyond us. See our review if you really want to know what we think.
The Minari issue: Everything surrounding this film comes from the USA. Why it is listed as a foreign film, we have no idea.
The lack of diversity: Aside from tried and true winners such as Viola Davis and Chadwick Boseman (RIP), Black creators were effectively shut out of the Golden Globes. Journee Smollett and Johnathan Majors were not nominated for their performances in Lovecraft Country. Da 5 Bloods was also not nominated, continuing Spike Lee’s GG drought. As Black creators and Black art continue to define our culture, they still remain out of the awards history books.
Ozark: This show is a poor man’s Breaking Bad. I (Kyra) also watched it when my IBS was really acting up so it may have negative connotations because of that.
Hugh Grant in The Undoing: This man was not acting. We are CONVINCED this show was secretly a Hugh Grant documentary.
Much like how Tina Fey and Amy Phoehler will be hosting the awards show bi-coastly, the Spynsters will be watching from their separate bedrooms thanking the HFPA that at the very least, Ricky Gervais isn't hosting again.
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