It's 9AM. If you are anything like me, you are already thinking about what you want for lunch the second you sit down at your desk. You don’t want Mulberry & Vine because their salmon scares you, and if you get Dig Inn you’ll just end up eating two large sides of mac and cheese. Well, there’s always sweetgreen. And you know who would happily spend $20 everyday on a bowl of kale with two pieces of shrimp and a drizzle of Green Goddess? The characters from The Devil Wears Prada. Check out what they would order below.
Andy…
Abandoning the days of slurping down the cafeteria’s corn chowder, Andy would try her very hardest to be “trendy” with her salad order. However, instead of just keeping her head down and ordering a damn Kale Caesar, she would do a create-your-own monstrosity that proves just how clueless she really is: a bed of romaine, tons of onion (since we know her history of onion breath), heaps of cheese, and her own personal bottle of ranch that she keeps in her desk. Are those the Chanel boots AND a bottle of Hidden Valley?
Miranda…
Tired of her daily filet mignon from Smith & Wollensky, Miranda’s ready to change it up...sort of. She would tell her assistant Julia (not her actual name) to order her a steak salad. Miranda’s vagueness would most likely lead said assistant to have a panic attack in the bathroom. First of all, sweetgreen does not even offer steak as a protein option. Does she want TOFU steak? What lettuce? Dressing???? Nope, steak salad. That’s all.
Christian Thompson…
Christian may have a sweet face and a body made for luxury cashmere, but he is secretly the devil. You know what else is a villain in disguise? The Rustic Tomato Harvest Bowl, which sounds very delicious, but clocks in at a surprising 765 calories. sweetgreen is supposed to be healthy, but much like Christain’s double crossing ways, this dish has more calories than a Big Mac and is truly his culinary counterpart.
Nigel…
Although he may resemble Mr. Peanut in human form, Nigel is by far the coolest character in this film. That’s why he would get the Fish Taco bowl, an unexpected and cutting-edge choice since sweetgreen is a salad restaurant, not a Mexican taqueria. The bowl also features steelhead, and no one really knows what steelhead actually is, but it sounds like something only cool people like Nigel are allowed to eat.
Emily…
To Emily, whether it’s a year away or tomorrow, Paris is always approaching. She would order a bowl of plain spinach with no dressing, no premiums, and no toppings. Her only mix-in would be a little bit of cucumber for texture. She would get a side of feta cheese cubes to nibble on periodically throughout the day to prevent passing out. Or maybe she would roll the dice and eat some week-old shrimp left in the fridge from a benefit since she’s only one food poisoning away from her goal weight.
Nate...
Ugh, Nate. First, Nate would get angry because he would want to know why this salad place doesn’t offer sandwiches. Then, he would get pissed about how expensive the salads are. He would end up leaving his local Lower East Side sweetgreen location in a huff, with a single piece of bread in tow. And yes, this is the bread that customers usually get for free on the side. He would then go home and make a burnt grilled cheese using the bread.
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